Most people don’t lose because they’re weak.
They lose because they make moves from a bad position.
They try to assert dominance with nothing but sheer willpower.
But in chess, you don’t launch an attack because you feel disrespected.
You attack because the board allows it.
When there’s an opportunity; because you’ve prepared the proper foundation, or the opponent made a mistake.
Most people’s moments of aggression are unsound attacks. Not necessarily because it wasn’t warranted, but because there’s:
No protection
No leverage
No failsafe
No clarity
Aggression without position doesn’t assert power.
It exposes you.
Power isn’t volume.
It’s constraint.
What I mean by is this, is that the ones actually pulling the strings are rarely who you first think.
In order to become a formidable player, you have to learn to temper your impulsivity, and strike with precision.
I’m pretty good at this game, but recently I made a mistake.
There was a situation I couldn’t easily solve, and it took months of tugging at the threads to unravel the intricate power dynamics taking place behind the scenes.
It was then I realized I’d made an error by approaching the wrong person for assistance.
The individual I thought was the appropriate authority to ally myself with, turned out the be the puppet master. When I accused his “pawn” of misdeeds, I inadvertently advertised myself as a threat to their joint operation.
Here I was detailing how I’d uncovered a scandal… to the person orchestrating it.
I thought I’d identified the source, but I blundered by not considering the periphery of the “board.”
A key piece of information: These men were brothers.
Context is important to understand why I didn’t consider the possibility they were in on it, and of course I initiated the conversation tactfully.
But a mistake is a mistake.
Think I’m being dramatic?
A few weeks later, the situation exploded.
Corporate espionage.
Death threats.
Theft.
And you know what really gets under my skin?
The puppet master got off free and clear. He played the emotional victim, while sacrificing his brother to save his own skin.
But this is the way of the world.
Ten years ago I would’ve been screwed. But not now.
Even though I made a miscalculation, I attacked from a secure position.
I’d become irreplaceable, controlled the flow of information throughout the entire organization, and quietly formed key alliances with other decision makers.
I was inaccurate, not weak.
When my move failed, the only casualty was my ego. What would’ve been fatal to my younger self, now only irritated me.
If you want to win, stop trying to “be assertive,” and learn to play the game.
Dominance doesn’t come from personality, but through leverage.
Learn to see the “board” clearly, and don’t complain about losing when you haven’t studied the rules.
Stay on the lookout for upcoming episodes on how to do just this.